


PAIN and DESPAIR

by FanFiction_Artist_Prototype



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Does not follow canon fully, F/M, Get him a therapist, Insane Makoto Naegi, Kind of a character study, Manipulative Relationship, Mastermind Enoshima Junko, Mastermind Naegi Makoto, Obsessive Makoto, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 00:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16315799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFiction_Artist_Prototype/pseuds/FanFiction_Artist_Prototype
Summary: Where had it all gone wrong?Or...Had it ever been right at all?





	1. Chapter 1

He hadn’t ever been anything but a shadow. 

Komaru was more important

Jobs were more important

Talent was more important 

Other people were more important

Other people’s problems were more important.

But he tried his hardest, it didn’t matter if he was a shadow. He would be kind, he would be caring and he would push on... because something had to give right? Everything wouldn’t be for nothing. It couldn’t be. 

Then he won the lottery. Ten million yen, he’d picked the most random numbers on earth, numbers he hadn’t put in since he’d won two yen when he was three. Then he’d won his bike, a sports motorbike that had a one in thirty thousand chance of winning, he didn’t even remember applying but there it was real and tangible in front of his house.

After that he won school elections, even though barley anybody knew him, he kept winning raffle after raffle and then sometimes he’d lose spectacularly. He’d lost his sisters favourite toy because he believed his luck would hold and it backfired, his bike was stolen and returned scratched up and beaten.

He was still a shadow. 

Komaru was still more important

Jobs were still more important

Talent was still more important

Other people were stilll more important

Oher people’s problems were still more important

But he still tried his hardest. He still was kind, he still was caring and he still pushed. He prayed, he begged, he made offetry and he even placed everything on his luck hoping, just hoping it would work out. Because this bizarre stroke of luck he’d had over the past year and a half had to be a sign. It had to be a sign that the world was giving him some leeway.

Good things had been happening, bad things had been happening but it had always worked out in the end right? Sure his bike got stolen, but the insurance money he got helped him buy a new, better bike. Sure his sister lost her toy but it gave his parents the opportunity to help her grow out of that childish faze.

Then he got the letter.

He won

He got in

He'd finally done it

He was going to Hopes Peak

He wasn’t a shadow anymore

Life had given way and let him win

And he wasn’t a shadow, people spoke about him, congratulated him, welcomed him. But it was empty... They didn’t know him, they didn’t care. They wanted the spotlight the fame the chance to say ‘I knew a Hopes Peak student before he went there’ he was still a shadow. Just now he was a shadow with a purpose.

But he smiled.

It was fine

It didn’t hurt

He'd won, he’d done it

Everything was great Nothing was wrong

He just kept smiling

~~He just kept fake smiling~~

~~~~The school year ended quicker than he’d expected and he was amazed on the last day when his classmate of three years, Mizano Sayaka - Ultimate junior high Idol, a girl who hadn’t even looked at him once- told him she couldn’t wait to see him next year. She was excited to be going to school with him. But it still felt fake.

He kept thinking he was going to wake up and he’d still be that useless little shadow, except it wouldn’t hurt so much, because nobody was using him he wouldn’t be a tool. He would be ignored and it wouldn’t hurt. He didn’t. No matter how many times he went to sleep he didn’t wake up. He was still going to Hopes Peak High and he was still the Ultimate Lucky Student and he was still a shadow and he was still a tool.

But, he smiled, he faked it and he tried his hardest to ignore the PAIN.


	2. Chapter 2

Junko Enoshima.

Ultimate High School level fashionista.

His classmate and currently talking to him like a real person.

”So... Naegi-chan, what did you used to do for fun before Hopes Peak?” She was sat on her desk facing towards him, elegantly folding on leg atop the other as she lent forward chin resting in her palm.

”I... I used to go on bike rides on my motorcycle...” He’s hesitant, why wouldn’t he? This was the Ultimate fashionista she lived in a world of celebrity royalty and money and unrealistic superficial lives. He’s probably messing up his entire existence just by talking to her.

But the way her face lights up and she asks him more, like what bike does he have? What colour is it? How long has he had it? When did he learn to ride it? Simple questions, questions he’d never been asked before.

He doesn’t hesitate to answer though, why would he? He’s being treated like a person. Not a shadow, not a tool. A person. A genuine person.

”That’s so cool Naegi-chan! Me and boring big sis over there didn’t do stuff like that, my manager says it’s ‘not appropriate’.” She makes air quotations when she says not appropriate and he can understand where she’s coming from. It must of been annoying to live your life being dictated to, so maybe his first assumption of her was wrong.

”Enoshima-san! Please remove your feet from your chair and sit properly! Sitting on the desk is prohibited!” He finds himself making a small smile when the blonde playfully rolls her eyes and mimics what Ishimaru just said to her as she slips off the desk and salutes the Ultimate Moral Compass. Ishimaru is another one that is nice to him, though he also doesn’t quote see him as human.

”Thank you! Have a nice day!” The black haired boy nods and marches back to his desk where he resumes his conversation with Mondo and Fujisaki. 

“Sometimes I feel like his compass needle is shoved up his ass...” his eyes are blown wide and he snorts a little , gaining attention from his classmates not that he knows it, and covers his mouth as Junko winks at him from her chair which she’s sitting backwards on. She tilts her head and makes a mocking cute face, “What? I didn’t say anything did I?”

His laughter dies down and their conversation resumes but he can’t believe it. For once he’s being acknowledged like a person and Junko Enoshima is the first to do it.

-*-

He knows that he promised himself that he would be kind and caring and keep pushing onwards but there are times when he thinks about his promisees to himself and just thinks on how big an idiot he was.

His kindness is mistaken for weakness, his caring of others is taken and abused by opertunists and no matter how hard he tries he’s necer going to be able to reach the others level. They were born at the top and he’s just going to have to live his life thirty steps behind them.

-*-

Mizano hasn’t done so much as even look at him since they joined Hopes Peak, her lies about being excited to be in high school with him quickly being forgotten as she finds much more lively and famous people to hang around with. But it doesn’t stop her from coming crying to him when she has a problem and begging him to help her. Because he went through this right? He can help her.

Togami makes him sick, he acts like he’s so much better than him but in actual fact they’re the same. They both got here on luck, Naegi for his supernatural affinity for luck and Togami just being born in the right family. The blond stomps him down, calls him scum and stupid. But it doesn’t stop him from coming to him when he needs help. Because surely he would know how to deal with this type of thing. 

Leon is the worst classmate he could ask for. He has a talent but he doesn’t want it. The red head is always complaining, complaining that he has such a ‘bad’ talent like there aren’t so many people in the world that would do anything for the chance to be able to play as well as he could or to stand in their classroom even if for a minute. But for all his complaining it doesn’t stop Leon coming up to him and asking him to help him practice because he has nothing better to do with his life than help him practice and listen to him complain about anything and everything.

Hifumi gives him a headache-  he’s rude, he’s presumptuous and he doesn’t know when to shut up. Not to mention he’s a pervert. And he’s always calling him uncultured because he isn’t interested in fan fiction or fan art or anime or magical girl video games or that disgusting hentai he tried to make him watch. But it doesn’t stop the boy from asking for advice when he gets bullied.

Celestia was one of the better ones, but she was still stuck up. He could tell she didn’t mean to be as pretentious as she was half the time but it still irritated him to no end. She was like Hifumi in the way that she called him uneducated and like Togami in the way she placed herself above him. But it didn’t stop her from coming to him when she needed help with something gambling couldn’t solve.

Ishimaru was kind, but he forgot that he was human. Don’t do this, don’t do that, that’s against the rules, stop that, stop this. It drove him round the bend especially when other people would be doing worse things but he targeted him. The Moral compass still expected him to help as well.

Asahina rubbed him the wrong way from doing any one. She was so fake. Always smiling and being cheery but gossiping behind everybody’s backs - he was very aware he was one of her favourite topics of conversation. Whenever anything upset her if Sakura wasn’t available she would run straight to him. Crying, clinging to him, voice warbling as she asked for him to help.

Mondo had made it clear he thought he was weak and he didn’t like Makoto because of this thought. Day after day he’d be knocked around just out of sight of the bikers best friend, he’d be threatened and screamed at. All for getting in the way once or twice, but it was brushed off because he was a biker, and then the biker started threatening his sister. The bastard still expected him to keep Ishimaru out of the loop for a lot of things.

Fukawa was almost as unbearable as Togami. She sent him evil looks and liked to blame him for things. Oh, somebody stole her bag? Well it must of been Makoto. His locker was searched twice a week at this point. The only bearable part of her was her second personality. Syo found him interesting but also ugly so he wasn’t targeted, that side was less rude. Fukawa constantly came to him to gush and complain about Togami to him when he was the only one around.

Hagakura never shut up. He was always claiming that he knew the future and that he could help him, could make him more popular and less of a loner. All the time, every second spent with him was spent having Hagakura say he could improve something or that he needed to do something because his crystal ball said he had to. His feelings were never considered in the critising. And the man still had the guts to gloat to him that he was always right.

The only ones in his class besides Junko and Mukuro that he could deal with were Sakura, Fujisaki And Kirigiri if only for the fact that the three left him alone. Sure they spoke to him but they didn’t dump their problems on him. The worst he’d gotten was having to get Sakura an ice pack and let Fujisaki read his code to him. But it didn’t stop the fact that in the back of his mind and at the bottom of his heart he had this little cold desire to be rid of all of them forever.

-*-

Maybe it had been near the end of the first year or maybe it was at the start of the second year? He wasn’t entirely sure when Junko first started telling him about despair and her infatuation with the abstract emotion.

”I’m telling you Mako-chan! Despair, it’s the most amazing thing to ever experience!”

He had been concerned for his best friend, but her sister didn’t question any of her ranting and if Mukuro didn’t see anything bad about her sisters strange obsession then he didn’t have a right to butt in.

”Hey Mako-chan... Just wondering why you only hang out with us?” He quickly looked down and away, not being able to look the fashionista in the eye. She was still so different than him. Despite him thinking they were alike he soon found out that Junko was almost like a goddess in comparison to himself and he was eternally greatful that she put up with him and let him be her friend.

A long second passed before a manicured taloned hand tilted his head up and he felt his cheeks heat up without his permission as Junko puts her face as close to his as she can without them touching. “You’re not hiding anything from me Mako-chan are you?” Her eyes seem to change as she speaks, going from their usual joyful blue to a dead one. Even her grin scares him, but at the same time it excites him because this is Junko showing him another side of her.

”Of course not! I wouldn’t hide anything!” He feels her talon-like nails dig into his chin and it shocks him so much that he can’t even find the actions or words to fight it.

”I don’t like it when you lie Mako-chan. Don’t do it again.”


	3. Chapter 3

He didn’t quite understand how the current events came to be, but he certainly was not complaining. His current events, for context, was the fact that Junko Enoshima had grabbed his hoodie and dragged him into a kiss in the middle of class.

”Does that answer your question Mako?” He was dazed but managed to force a small nod as the fashionista released his hood and smoothed it down before walking out of the classroom like nothing had happened. 

He touched his lips in shock as he watched Junko leave, he wasn’t quite sure he’d actually experienced the kiss and surely he was just having a hyper realistic dream.

”What the hell was that!?”

-*-

_“You do believe me Mako don’t you?”_

_”You wouldn’t lie to me would you? You know I hate it when you lie to me.”_

_”I really love you Makoto~”_

_”You would do anything for me right?”_

_”If you loved me you would help me.”_

_”I love you so much that even the despair your death would bring wouldn’t be worth it Mako.”_

_”Makoto... Help me take over. Help me cause the Ultimate Despair and give those bastards what they deserve!”_

_”You only need me right?”_

_”I’m the only one you need.”_

_”I’m the only one that cares. I don’t think you’re useless.”_

_”I think you’re amazing, and you can do anything. That’s why you’re gonna do this for me aren’t you?”_

_”Remember Mako~ I don’t like it when you lie to me, so tell me everything okay?”_

_-*-_

He didn’t remember when he started revolving his life around Junko. It had gone from slowly incorporating her almost daily to all of a sudden spending every hour with thoughts of her in his head and him begging her to let him do something, anything so that she wouldn’t grow bored of him.

She often threatened that. That she would leave him when she got bored of him. It was so... so... So **DESPAIR INDUCING.**

He almost couldn’t deal with it. Each time the threat left her goddess lips his heart would twist and threaten to burst in grief, and every time she told him he was boring her it skipped a beat. He didn’t know why but the mere thought of her leaving him, after everything that had happened... it felt like he’d die without her.

”You’re becoming boring Mako. If this continues you know what’s going to happen don’t you?” He was thankful they were in her dorm room because he thinks he might die of embarrassment if any of his classmates saw him right now.

He was on his hands and knees at Junko’s feet head pressed into the hardwood floor as he blubbered, tears falling. “No! Please! Please! What- what will make me less boring!? I’m- I’m helping with the plan! I’m getting Class 77 and the student council under your control! What else can I do!?”

Over the year and a half now that he’d been with Junko he’d learnt despair. It had come the first time she threatened him, and he hadn’t believed her. But the next day she’d ignored him, refused to even accept his existence and had called him useless, a pig, a freak when nobody was around. He’d wanted to die, he’d wanted to kill somebody just so that they would experience this despair with him.

He’d experienced it once again after that when Junko had met Izuru Kamukura. He... He didn’t know how he felt about the man. He was somewhere between beating his head in for the joy of it and making sure nothing ever happened to him because he made Junko so happy. The despair he felt had slunk its way up his chest and stuck in the back of his throat when they liberated the Ultimate Hope from his cell.

He’d manhandled Junko, degraded her, threatened her. And he wanted to kill him because of it! But... But Junko had liked it!? She even seemed turned on by it! And it, it made her happy! She was so obsessed with despair and making sure their plan worked that he hadn’t seen her happy in so long, he could t just do that to her.

”I want you to do me something very special alright Mako?” He’d nodded his head as quickly as he could, he’d do anything for her. “I want you to kiss Mukuro in front of me.” His face dropped and paled.

No... No! He had heard her wrong. He had to! She wouldn’t ask him to do something like that!

”Wh- What? But I can’t! That’s - that’s cheating on you and I can’t do that to you!” She cackled at his distress and he briefly wondered if this was her way of getting small doses of despair.

”Oh but you can? Mukuro has a crush on you and seeing you kiss her will give me despair and being her despair because she’ll know you’re only doing it because I asked you to! Oh it’s perfect!” He couldn’t find the right words, he was still on his knees and he felt like the pathetic little bitch he probably looked like.

It was disgusting and wrong, but his Junko wanted him to and so he would do it.

 


	4. Chapter 4

The killing game wasn’t what he’d expected. He’d thought Junko would of taken his memories to cause even more despair to him when she revealed that the two of them were the masterminds and to cause despair to herself by watching him not know what they’d been through. But maybe this was his may of gaining despair? Not knowing what she was planning and only being able to speculate everything.

His classmates made him sick when they introduced themselves - so happy and nothing like the scumbags he’d been force to endure three years with. Mizano was actually excited to see him, still living in her little world where he had just been accepted and she hadn’t met anybody ‘more worth her time’. Fujisaki was suddenly a hundred times more annoying now that he was reverted back to a snivelling mess. When they’d been fifteen he hadn’t even cared they were all worried but now, now that he had the impression of three years of these people in his head he couldn’t deal with it.

He had thought that he would of been able to put up his facade but it had almost crumbled at the sight of Mukuro dressed up as Junko. How, how was she even passing with that shit make up and wig!? She was a disgrace to his Junko!

-*-

He was glad when Leon killed Mizano. He’d been fully prepared to get the killing underway, to murder somebody and get the ball rolling. But they wouldn’t of known it was him and they’d of been executed and it hadn’t been long enough for them to figure out that he, this sweet boy with loads of optimism was one of the orchestrators of their doom.

The trial was boring for him, he knew who the murderer was and the only interesting thing was that everybody kept blaming him. Their only evidence was that it was his room. Pitiful.

In the end they got Leon and he was executed. He faked fear and shock. But inside he was thinking of everything Leon had done to him and could only sit their and internally smirk as he got exactly what he deserved.

He had to admit when he saw Mukuro killed though, it only effected him for a split second. That split second that all he saw was Junko, not Mukuro, Junko. He had wanted to scream, to demand why. But it hit him, Junko was alive, she was the one controlling Monokuma. And just like that, All was well.

-*-

Fujisaki’s murder had been a surprise, he hadn’t expected the timid boy to piss anybody off enough to kill him, but it didn’t surprise him really when it was revealed that Mondo was his killer. He was always extremely violent. But it made him sick to see how cushy Mondo and Ishimaru were before the trial. It made him think back to when they had been students and Mondo would threaten him not to tell Ishimaru anything. 

If it hadn’t been for the fact that he would be caught so easily he would of shoved them in the sauna together and blocked the exit as he turned the temperature up to max hoping it would knock them out so he could kill them.

What surprised him even more was that Togami had been so willing to get his hands dirty just to actually effect the trial. And to blame genocider Syo, honestly it was a miracle when the alternate personality showed up that she didn’t put him as a weird freak right away, proving that there was something amiss in the situation.

-*-

The third trial was his favourite one. Hifumi would not be missed by anybody, though apparently his classmates had forgotten their hatred and annoyance for him when he died, and Ishimaru was a sad to sight to see. Honestly he would of thought they would of killed Hagakura and tried to frame Ishimaru instead of the other way around.

But who was he to judge _the_ Taeko Yasuhiro? Or as he’d known her, Celestia Ludenburg. It had been a very well thought out murder he had to admit, but unfortunately she took one to many gambles.

-*-

Sakura’s death, if he’s honest, is the only one that brings him proper despair. Obviously seeing his classmates dying brought him despair, but Sakura’s suicide was the only death that actually made him feel proper despair. It was such a heartfelt way to die as well! Dying so she wouldn’t have to Monokumas mole anymore and so that hopefully nobody would kill anymore! It was a beautiful despair inducing death.

And Asahina trying to kill everybody as well just because Sakura had died was oh so despair inducing! Oh he’d almost forgotten what the little bitch was like under all that sweet exterior and fake optimism! But alas, they failed to vote for Asahina being the killer, so their little charade continued on just that little bit longer.

-*-

He got anxious for the first time in the game when he saw Mukuro’s body. Things were coming to a close and the despair was just around the corner. It left his senses heightened and everything!

But Oh! That hadn’t been the most despairing part! When Junko had had it so that he was to be executed he was overwhelmingly happy! She loved him so much she was willing to feel the darkest despair even if it meant he had to die! He’d been so happy to assist her! But still, as the machine stopped and Monokuma became confused he couldn’t help but feel pain. Pain that she’d broken a promise.

-*-

Alter Ego having an execution had surprised him but it didn’t effect him.

-*-

Oh, he hadn’t felt so excited in so long, not since the day Junko had kissed him on the lips in the middle of their classmates, or not since the day he saw Izuru Komakura cry or even not since he saw his little sister ripped to shreds by monobears!

The trial started and everybody had guessed right away that it was Junko! Oh it was brilliant! They were going to vote her and everything would go perfectly because they would technically be wrong and they would all get to die as he and Junko could watch as the world fell into even more despair together!

”Upupupup! You’re all forgetting something!” His eyes flicked to Monokuma, this wasn’t part of the trial. They’d promised to only pretend there was one mastermind! “There’s a second mastermind! Upupupup!”

”What the hell do you mean there’s two! They’re can’t be! That’s impossible! Nobody here would do anything like this!” His voice came out angrier than he’d meant it to, resentment tainting what had meant to be hope filled words. Junko couldn’t be switching it up so suddenly! She couldn’t be!

”Oh you poor innocent boy! Of course there’s two! Now ya little snots cast your votes! And remember you get two votes now! Let’s see who you guys pick for your masterminds!”

He could feel his nerves set on fire as he slammed his answers in. He was twitchy thinking about what Junko was doing. She wouldn’t try and leave him would she? She hadn’t grown so bored of him over the game that she was planning on executing herself and leaving him all alone!? No! She wouldn’t do that!

”Correct! Mastermind number one is... Junko Enoshima!” In a puff of smoke his goddess appeared beforehand him again, and he wanted to drop to his knees and worship her, because he just loved her, he loved her so much!

”Seems only one of you chumps got the second mastermind right! Ha!” Her voice was crazy and he loved it that way, her blue eyes grew even more twisted as she looked over all of them. “And no surprises that non of you bastards figured it out! The only one who put who the second mastermind was the actual mastermind themselves!”

She winked at them, and he knew she was winking at him specifically. “Let’s see who you all voted for!

The panned came up with their names, each face having a tally underneath it for how many voted them. Asahina has zero votes, Fukawa had zero votes, Hagakura had zero votes. Togami had three votes, Kirigiri had two and of course... he had one.

He kept his head down as he heard the gasps, their accusatory gazes on him once more. Oh, how he’d forgotten what persecution felt like! It was so despairing! He loved it! 

“No! You’re lying! Naeg’s would never do anything like this! Right?”

”Naegi... please tell us she’s lying...” he looked up at them, unaware of how insane his eyes were or how wide his grin was. He laughed, and he laughed.

”What!? And lie to you even more than I already have!? Don’t make me laugh! I’m not that excited in despair!” As he heard his own voice he heard how broken and deranged he sounded, and he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

”Mako-chan helped me set everything up! Isn’t that right? And he did it all because he loves me so much!” He could feel the hatred before he was suddenly knocked down and pain rocketed through his face as Junko squawked something like, “Don’t touch him!”

Looking up from the floor he saw Togami, crying and shaking as he stood above him, fist raised. “You idiotic bastard! She’s playing you! She doesn’t love you, she’s psychopath!”

”Shut up! She loves me! Just because you’ve never been anything but an invalid in your own life doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me!” He was in Togami’s face before the blond boy could retort to his words. “Don’t you ever insult her! She’s a goddess and you don’t deserve to even think about her!” He returned Togami’s earlier lunch with one of his own and spun around ready to hurt somebody else when Kirigiri spoke up.

”You’ve brainwashed him then Enoshima. Naegi would never defend somebody like you unless he was brainwashed!” He’d been prepared to leap at her and scratch the detectives throat out when his goddess spoke again.

”Tt Ultimate Detective. It’s not nice to lie. Is it Mako-chan? Mako-chan knows what I’m like when I’m lied to Don’t you?” He shivered, he hated when she was lied to. She was always so angry.

He could feel eyes on him again but this time they were pitying him!

”Just to cause even more despair! I’m not even gonna explain anything else!” Her crazy laughter echoed around the room.

She strutted up to him and pulled him into a kiss, slipping her tongue into his mouth and nearly choking him when she tried to shove it down his throat. Pulling away he was left in a hazy daze as he felt something heavy in his mouth. She blew him one last kiss as her voice once again boomed.

”Seeing as you voted correctly once and incorrectly one, the blackened me! Will be executed along side You my lovely peers! Oh isn’t this so despai inducing Mako? You’ll be the only one left! The one to lead our Ultimate despairs and rule this wretched world!” Her hand slammed down on the buzzer and around him everybody was pulled away by chains. He didn’t even watch, he couldn’t watch.

He collapsed to his knees, despairing eyes overflowing with tears as he removed the thing Junko had shoved in his mouth during the kiss, revealing the key to the front door. He laughed and cried. This was what Despair felt like, proper despair.

And...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**He fucking loved it!**


End file.
